אל תתפתו לקבל עצות למתגרש מאנשים שאינם מבינים בנושא. בשביל זה כתבתי את המאמר כדי שתוכל לקבל עצות נכונות מאיש מקצוע

עצה מקדמית: קרא כאן גם את העצות שניתנות לאישה

1. תבדוק אם אשתך בוגדת

אם אשתך בוגדת בך ותפסת אותה? זה משתלם. אישה שבוגדת בבעלה קרויה "אישה שזנתה תחתיו" והיא מאבדת את מזונותיה! וגם את הסיכוי שלה לקבל כתובה. נסו לבדוק זאת לבד אבל הכלל הוא "שהבעל האחרון שיודע" כי האישה יודעת איך הבעל חושב ומסובבת אותו בקלות. לכן, רצוי לקחת חוקר פרטי שיידע לעשות זאת ויביא לך את הראיות בצורה מקצועית.

2. איסוף מודיעיני והעלמת מידע מודיעיני

אסוף מסמכים מהבית וצלם אותם, לאחר מכן תחזיר למקום שלא ירגישו. אסוף מידע על הכנסות האישה. לדוגמא: אם אשתך עובדת כקוסמטיקאית בבית, בלי קבלות, תהיה נחמד לאחת הלקוחות ותשיג את הפרטים שלה, שתספר לך [בזמן שאתה מקליט] כמה פעמים בחודש היא מגיעה וכמה שנים היא כבר מכירה את אשתך. כך תוכל להוכיח שלאשתך יש הכנסות ב"שחור". במקביל, תעלים כל הוכחה שיכולה להצביע על הכנסות שיש לך ב"שחור". אם אתה אמיץ חפש מסמכים במגרות התחתונים של אשתך אולי יהיו לך הפתעות? כשתסיים את החיטוט תאסוף ותחביא מחוץ לבית חפצי ערך: טבעות, תכשיטים, דולרים, וכן הלאה. כי אולי לאחר מכן תהיה לך בעיה להוכיח שהם בכלל היו קיימים. בינתיים במקביל, צא מהתמימות שלך ותחליף סיסמה בטלפון הנייד וסיסמה במייל.

3. חשאיות

אל תגיד לאשתך או למישהו שאתה מתכנן להתגרש. אל תספר אפילו לקרובי המשפחה שלך. ההיסטוריה מוכיחה שאפילו אם סיפרת לאמא שלך למשל, היא מספרת לשכנה והשכנה לחברה… ופתאום אשתך יודעת מכל הסיפור לפניך ופועלת בהתאם. לכן, הכי חשוב, לא לספר לאף אחד שאתה מתכוון להתגרש. "פה גדול" עלול להפסיד במרוץ הסמכויות, מרוץ שעדיין קיים גם כשמדובר בהגשת בקשה לישוב סכסוך.

4.  אמצעי זהירות

עורכי דין אוהבים לתת כרטיסי ביקור, אם היית אצל עורך דין והוא נתן לך כרטיס ביקור? תחביא את כרטיס הביקור! הכי בטוח לרשום את מספר הטלפון תחת שם בדוי ולזרוק את כרטיס הביקור לפח (ולא לפח של הבית!). בימינו יש להיזהר לא לדבר בטלפון במקומות שאולי התקינו בהם מכשירי ציתות. זכור! שיחות שהאישה מקיימת אתך, מותר לה להקליט! גם מותר לה להשתמש בזה בבית משפט. לכן, היה זהיר, ושקול דברים שאתה אומר לה. שיחות מאוד רגישות עדיף לעשות מטלפון שלא שייך לך.

5. הימנעות מאלימות

אל תהיה אלים. אם האישה מפעילה אלימות או מאיימת עליך באלימות, אל תגיב, לך מיד לתחנת המשטרה ותגיש תלונה מפורטת. אם היא נוהגת להיות אלימה כלפיך או כלפי הילדים, אז תרשת את האזורים הציבוריים בבית במצלמות משיקולים של הגנה עצמית כך שתוכל להוכיח את האלימות כלפיך או כלפי הילדים. זכור שאתה והילדים זכאים למדור שליו ושקט. לא להיות תמים, כשגבר מתלונן שאשתו תקפה אותו באלימות, לצערי לא מאמינים לו ומרחיקים דווקא אותו מהבית. ואם אתה אלים? היזהר שבעתיים, זאת לא רק עבירה פלילית אלא אלימות של גברים מתקבלת רע מאוד בבית הדין הרבני ובייחוד בבית המשפט לענייני משפחה. ראה, הוזהרת!

עצות למתגרש

6. סירוב לקיים יחסי מין

אם אשתך לא מקיימת איתך יחסי מין, היא אשה ״מורדת״, נסה להוכיח, אולי להקליט, את עובדת הסירוב, כמו גם את הנימוקים לסירוב. אישה מורדת, על פי תפיסת ההלכה, לא זכאית למזונות. אבל בהקשר זה לא מספיק סירוב חד פעמי אלא הוא צריך להיות סירוב מתמשך וללא סיבה אמתית שמנמקת את הסירוב. אם סתם לא מתחשק לה? זה מצוין. תביא בחשבון שמרידת האישה הוא משהו שבדרך כלל יותר קשה להוכיח.

7. הורדת רמת החיים

את ההוצאות שלך תעשה במזומן ולא בכרטיס אשראי. גם תעודד את אשתך לא לעשות הוצאות בכרטיס אשראי אלא במזומן, וכמובן אם אפשר לא לקחת קבלות. למשל, תעודד את אשתך שתקנה ירקות בשוק, שם אין קבלות ולא משתמשים באשראי, תגיד לה "זה יותר טרי". אם אשתך תוכיח רמת חיים גבוהה? אתה תאלץ לדאוג שרמת החיים הזאת תשמר. נסה לדאוג לכך שלא יהיו הוכחות לרמת חיים גבוהה מידי. למשל, זה לא הזמן להחליף את המכונית הישנה במרצדס! בקיצור, תעשה מאמץ להרוויח פחות. אל תעבוד שעות נוספות. אם מגיעה לך חופשה אז קח את החופשה ולא את הכסף כי בית המשפט ידרוש ממך לחלוק עם האישה את ימי החופשה שלא השתמשת בהם. שכנע את האישה לעבור לדירה קטנה יותר עם שכירות נמוכה. בטל חוגים של הילדים כי גם ככה זה לא מעניין אותם. דחה את הנסיעה לחו"ל כי האישה תטען שהיא התרגלה זכור שבית המשפט מסתכל שנה אחורה ולפי זה מחליט מה הייתה רמת ההכנסה שלך ורמת החיים של המשפחה וזה משפיע על גובה המזונות לאישה ולילדים.

8. השג את אשתך במרוץ הסמכויות

 הגש בקשה לישוב סכסוך לפניה. אבל אל תהיה גיבור גדול. כבר בשלב הזה צריך לעשות ולתכנן דברים שאי אפשר לפרט פה. אם לא עשית זאת נכון תשלם מחיר יקר מאוד לאחר מכן. אומרים: "טיפש שזורק מטבע לבאר עשרה חכמים לא יוציאו אותו" אז תשתדל לא להיות הטיפש הזה שזורק מטבעות לבאר. אל תתקמצן קח עורך דין טוב [ויקר] שידע בדיוק מה צריך לעשות שכן סוף מעשה במחשבה תחילה. 

9. הפרדת רכוש

קיבלת או אתה אמור לקבל כספים בירושה? או דירה מירושה? או האם אתם גרים בדירה שהייתה שלך מלפני הנישואין? תתלונן שהדירה לא מתאימה ותעודד את האישה לעבור לגור אתך בשכירות. את ההכנסות מהדירה או הנכס שקיבלת בירושה שים בחשבון בנק נפרד ואל תיגע בו. לאחר מכן היא תתקשה לשים יד על הרכוש הזה. זכור, רכוש שמשמש את שני הצדדים, גם אם מקורו באחד מהצדדים, לאחר תקופות ארוכות של שימוש משותף מקבל אופי של רכוש משותף. במקביל, תעודד את האישה להכניס לשיתוף כל הכנסה שיש לה ממקור עצמאי מלפני הנישואין.

העצה העשירית

מה אתה חי בסרט? אתה באמת רוצה לעשות כאלו דברים מכוערים?

עם כל הקנאה, השנאה והכעס, זאת נראית לך הדרך ההגיונית לפעול? אני מבטיח לך שהצד השני יעשה דברים מכוערים לא פחות. לא חבל? אז אולי להירגע קצת ואז לחשוב איך לטפל בעניינים בצורה חכמה. לכן העצה העשירית ממליצה על גישור!!!

בכל מקרה, אם אתה חושש מהאישה? אז רק אחרי שהשגת את כל היתרונות האפשריים פנה להליך של גישור. קל לוותר ולהשיג הישגים כשכל הקלפים ביד שלך. עם זאת, יש לזכור שהשגת היתרונות האלו פוגעים באמון והאישה יכולה מתוך כעס לסרב להליך אמתי של גישור ואז את כדור השלג יהיה קשה לעצור. כשאתה הולך לעורך דין תדגיש בפניו שאתה רוצה את שירותיו רק לצורך ליווי בגישור ולא לצורך הגשת תביעות והליך משפטי שלם. לאחר מכן ספר לאישה בדרך רגועה אודות מצב הדברים ותזמין אותה לגישור. כך הפגיעה בך, באשתך ובילדים תהיה הרבה יותר קטנה. בגישור, עניין הגירושים יהיה קצר, בעלות נמוכה, והרבה פחות כואב, ועדיין תסדרו את כל העניים שצריך כגון זמני שהות עם הילדים, חלוקת רכוש, הסדר המזונות וכן הלאה… הליך הגישור ימנע ממכם מלחמת עולם מיותרת.

לסיכום, העצה העשירית היא העצה החשובה ביותר: להתגרש צריך לדעת. וגישור בין בני זוג הוא הפתרון הטוב ביותר.

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כתבתי ספר שכולו מקודש לנושא הגישור במשפחה – גישור במשפחה

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